Wagner Writer

Hi you!

Here’s my latest update:

Random Insights or Stories

Today, I want to share a little something with ya’ll that I call:

Killing the World’s Plants Will Save Humanity!!!!!!!!!!

So, while we were housesitting for Windy’s boss, one of our responsibilities was to water the plants. And by plants, I mean she has this tiny indoor greenhouse thingie with like 3 plants in it. Seriously, it’s tiny, holding like a sprig of basil, some oregano, and something else I don’t recognize (actually, I didn’t recognize any of it – I had to read the little attached descriptions… I’m not sure I’d recognize an orange tree).

Sounds harmless, right?


Every day, the plants DEMANDED water. And not just like a cup. NO, I seriously had to give these damn plants like 37* gallons a day! I’m (mostly) serious. For the amount they weighed (like half a pound) that would be like giving hundreds of gallons to a regular person. Every day. Can you imagine the conniption environmentalists would have if the average people started using hundreds of gallons a day?

And they say that humans are greedy and ruining the environment…

Anyway, that got me to thinking.

If a tiny garden consumes that much water, imagine how much plants around the world need! The amount would be astronomical. I seriously can’t even process how much. I mean, just a sandbox full of basil would need truckloads.

Therefore, I have propose a plan:

Kill the world’s plants!

If we just take one section of the earth’s vegetation and let it die, we can easily take that water and cure the drought in California. And, if you think about it, basil is more a garnish than anything else. It’s not providing anything other than a little hint of flavor to our already delicious food. No one would miss it. And if you did crave spice, just know that, every time you took a bland bite, a person in some dry region is living a better life.

Thank you.

* Slight exaggeration

Leave a Comment