Wagner Writer

It’s time for another wacky Cody post! How many people are cheering and how many are throwing up?

So we decided to go swimming the other day. In preparation, I went to the store to buy some sunscreen. Waiting in the checkout line, I realized I also needed SPF lip balm. As I grabbed the first one I saw (conveniently located right there), a random thought hit: I freaking buy Chapstick almost every time I’m at the store. Worse, I don’t think I’ve ever finished an entire thing of lip balm.

Curious, I ran home, opened my nightstand drawer, and took a picture:

Things of Chapstick

The tally – 3 things of unfinished lip balm. That didn’t include the 2 things in my car and the one I’d just bought.

That got my mind going; I became obsessed with things people don’t finish. And here’s my list. Yep. That’s the subject of this post. Enjoy!

(OK I have to go off on a tangent here and ask: What is a thing of Chapstick called? Am I totally brain farting? Is it a tube? A roll? A stick? A gaggle? I always just say “thing”.)

1. Chapstick

We’ve already talked about this some. But I’m trying to decide why, exactly, I’ve never finished a thing (stick?) of lip balm. I think it’s just one of those products that never freaking seems to run out. Couple that with the fact I leave some in every pants pocket and I think we have an answer.

2. Cologne

Now that we’ve seen my nightstand, let’s take a look under my sink. Here are the bottles of cologne I found:

Bottles of Cologne

5 bottles! And one of them is Hugo Boss, so you *know* that’s been there since the 90s!

Why do I have all this cologne (and bottles of body spray visible in the background)?

Can I answer that with a question: am I the only person out there who wants to keep at least a few sprays of each cologne…just in case? It’s like I’m worried I may go out one evening and things don’t go quite right because of my cologne. Like maybe I’ll meet a publisher and he/she goes to read my book right there at Chipotle. And then Schmimmy (that’s the publisher’s name) sniffs the air. She sniffs again and grimaces. Curious, she sets the book down, looks at me, and says, “Your cologne is a little too fancy for me. If you’d have worn Blue Sugar, we’d have a deal.” Then she gets up and leaves while I mope over the fact I’d used the last sprays of Blue Sugar the night before during a completely uneventful evening.

Does no one else keep little bits of cologne for this reason?

3. Rolls of Dental Floss

Yep, it’s kinda embarrasing, but I’m throwing this one out there. If anything, you can never say I’m not open on my blog. However, I know I’m not the only one who has this on their list!

Now, let me preface this item by saying I’ve now gone through several things of floss. But let’s back up to the days before my Sabbatical.

Back then, I had really good insurance. And having good insurance can make you a little more carefree. For example, I rarely stretched before exercising because it’s like, “I’m paying this money for insurance, I might as well rupture a disc in my back and use it.”

The same kinda went for dental. Yes, I brushed my teeth every day (seriously, how scared would you be if toothpaste was on this list?). But I didn’t floss regularly. Not regularly enough to buy floss. I’d just get the sample pack from the dentist, use it for awhile, lose it, and then wait for my next appoint to restock.

Since my sabbatical (where I’ve had to cover my own insurance), I’m much more meticulous about flossing. Go figure.

4. Boxes of Q-Tips

Q-Tips are on my list for three reasons.

First, I have a nice decorative glass jar filled with my Q-Tips. It just so happens that they way I poured them in there was flawless; they look look an artist’s sculpture. I’ll never be able to repeat that again, so I’m really nervous about taking Q-Tips out. I *could* just go buy some more and use them right out of the box. But I’m stuck in the conundrum where I don’t want to spend money on something I already have while, at the same time, I don’t want to use what I already have.

Second, I’ve read some articles claiming Q-Tips are actually bad for you. I’m not sure what to believe anymore, so I hesitate before using Q-Tips.

Third, I have to honor one of my old college friend who had an interesting OCD belief regarding running out of Q-Tips.

5. Vaseline

Jar of Vaseline

Seriously, it’s impossible to use an entire jar of Vaseline. Growing up, we had a single jar in the bathroom. This was a bathroom shared by 5 people, mind you. And we had lots of reasons to use it. I remember slathering it on during elementary school when my lips got really chapped. Windy claimed to use it every day for her goiter.

(I may have made up the goiter part but she really used it every day for makeup-related things or something.)

Wellllll, I remember going home to visit after I’d graduated college and seeing that same jar sitting on the bathroom shelf (!!!!). For reals. There’s like an old Aesop’s fable about a man who gets a pot that never runs out of food. I think that’s our jar of Vaseline.

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