Wagner Writer

Ahhhhh the human spirit can do some amazing things. We cure horrible diseases, donate clothes to the needy, and post videos of goats wearing pajamas (perhaps the most important thing we’ve done so far).

We can also be sooooooooo lazy.

The other night I was lying in bed reading. My phone buzzed with a message and I went to grab it. The book is pretty big and it threatened to close before I could mark my spot. I HATE trying to find where I’m at when the pages flutter closed (who doesn’t).

What were my options?

Well, I could have grabbed a bookmark. I keep one right next to my bed in case of such dire emergencies.

The problem was, I couldn’t. quite. reach. I would have had to slightly twist my body and lean over to grab it. Too much work.

What did I do?

Bookmark laziness Meme

Yep. I’d done laundry, thrown it on my bed, and used a pair of underwear.

The amazing thing about laziness is the lengths to which people will go just to be lazy. Many times, the effort it takes to slack outweighs that of just getting off our butts and completing the task.

Continuing on in that spirit of being lazy, I could share some of those pictures sweeping the Internet (like the woman in an electric wheelchair holding onto a guy in a Roscoe Scooter). But to make it more original and personal, I’m going to share some really lazy things I do. I’m not saying I’m a lazy person. I don’t think I am. But we all have those things that would make other people face palm (it’s an underwear bookmark, for God’s sake).

Sure, I’m embarrassing myself, but I know I’m not the only one out there who’s done these things. In fact, I bet most of you can beat my examples.

Without further ado, I’m too lazy to…

1. Grab a bookmark.

I’ve already talked about this, but it segueways right into #2. Remember my thing about grabbing underwear? Apparently, I’m also too lazy to:

2. Fold my laundry.

Yep, there’s a huge mound on my bed right now. I have to try to sleep around it at night. God forbid I actually spend 10 minutes putting it away.

I’ll tell you, I’ve spent more time (hours probably) thrashing around at night, moving tank tops and underwear around so I’m not lying on them. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night thinking, “Damn this laundry,” then pushed it away and tried to go back to sleep…only to wake up 20 minutes later with the same sock lodged in my back.

3. Turn off a light.

Picture it: I’m all comfy in bed (meaning I’ve pushed the piles of clothes around to make a little nest).

That’s when I realize I’ve left the light on.

What do I do? Get up and turn it off?

No way! That is way too much effort.

Instead, I lay there and try absolutely everything and anything to turn the damn thing off without actually standing.

Throw shoes at the wall and hope for a lucky shot? CHECK!
When the shoes are gone, wad up socks and try the same thing? CHECK!
Stick my legs out as far as they’ll go and desperately try to reach the switch with my toes?

Lazy Light Switch Meme


How much time did I spend messing with turning the stupid thing off? 5 minutes.
How much time would it have taken to get up and turn the switch off? 10 seconds.

Winner? Not me.

4. Put books on their shelves.

I usually read at night before bed. The thing is, I change my mind on what I want to read. All. The. Time. Sometimes I get hooked on a book and want to finish it. Other times, I want to see how authors wrote certain scenes. On those nights, I’ll dig through 5-6 books, skimming through them all. Consequently, I purchased a little tiny bookshelf that sits next to my night stand.

I bought it just so I’d keep my books more organized.

Let’s look at that organized bookshelf, shall we?

Book shelf laziness

5. Unplug an iPhone cord.

My office is also the guest room, complete with my desk/computer/shelving unit and a full size bed. I spend hours in there a day. Sometimes, when I’m pretty active on my phone, I have to go grab the charger from my room (it’s typically plugged in next to my bed).

There have been some nights when, after showering and brushing my teeth, I’ve walked into my bedroom and tried plugging in my phone…only to realize my charger isn’t there. Groaning, I walked into the spare room, finding it plugged into the wall.

Now, I’m not proud to admit it, but there have been a couple of instances where the idea of unplugging and moving the charger feels like SUCH a huge pain that I’ll just crawl into the guest bed, plug my phone in, and go to sleep.


P.S. I’m going to catch hell for this one when Windy reads this.

6. Grab a towel (that’s a few feet away) after my workout.

Molly (the dog) likes to lay close to me while I’m working out. Usually, she’s right next to the exercise mat. Now, some of my workouts are so grueling, I’ll just collapse on my knees right there. I’m literally dripping with sweat and can barely more. That’s when I notice my sweat towel is across the room on the chair.

Molly, on the other hand, is right next to me. I’m not proud to admit this, but occasionally I’ll lean on her and pretend I’m giving her a hug. What I’m actually doing is wiping my forehead on her fur.

(SIDENOTE: I totally made this one up. I cracked myself up with the idea so I figured I’d include it. How many of you were like “WTF???” when you were reading this?)

7. Get another roll of toilet paper.

Oh God. So this example is just as horrifying as the last. Only it’s true, so you get a REAL “WTF???” moment.

Soooooo a few weeks ago, I was in the bathroom and realized I was out of toilet paper. I could have yelled for Chris or Windy to get me a roll. I’ve even texted them before (I know some of you have done this!). That would have been perfectly reasonable, as we had TP in the house.

For some reason, I didn’t do any of that.

Instead, I found some toilet paper in the trash next to me and used it.

No TP Trash Meme

I’m shutting up now.

Interesting “In Conclusion” Sidenote

So this post was all about those incredibly lazy things I’ve done. However, I spent *forever* on this post: making memes, taking pictures, compiling the right list, etc…

Essentially, I was the opposite of lazy when putting together a post on how lazy I am. I’m sure there’s some irony buried in there.

It’s all about priorities.

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