Wagner Writer

Last week, I shared the amazing things I witnessed on the USS Alabama. That experience was so seriously cool.

During my travels to Texas and Florida, I also saw my share of things that weren’t so amazing. If anything, I can only classify them as odd.

I’ve been trying to think of how to categorize them, as they’re pretty random (as you’re about to see… mwahahaha!). And finally, I was like, You know what? I’ll just throw them out, as-is.

So, without further ado, here’s some funkiness I saw in the South and Southeast:

1. Kraft Brick Cheese

While in Florida, I visited a museum (not the USS Alabama) that had a replica of a typical 1940s town. Naturally, it featured a little grocery store. As I mentioned before, I love being in places where I can pretend to be a part of that era. Therefore, seeing the storefront, I got to pretend to be a middle-aged mother shopping for her family in the 40s. As it turns out, it wasn’t so different from my normal life… Kidding!

Anyway, while looking through the store I saw this:

I love it because, in today’s world, this product would fail SOOOO hard. In the age of organic this and natural that, the idea of simply calling a cheese product “Brick” is awesome! And revolting.

2. Toilet Bucket

While we’re stuck in the 40s, I might as well share this pic from the brig of the USS Alabama:

Yep, it’s a pot serving as the toilet.

My favorite things about this are a). Imagining how someone would actually use it (I guess you sit on it and grip the handles for dear life?) AND b.) the fact it has a nice lid, complete with a handle (to hide those unseemly messes).

3. Here’s II Something

The pier on Pensacola Beach is beautiful. After Hurricane Ivan hit and destroyed the original, they build it up better than ever. It’s wooden and extends quite a ways over the ocean, providing an amazing view of the emerald waters:

Then, of course, there’s this phrase carved into it:

4. Woman Who Desperately Needs to Pee

I guess while we’re on the subject, I might as well just keep going. Pensacola has some amazing waterfront seafood restaurants. They catch the food and serve it up fresh. None of that explains this statue leading into one of the eateries we visited:

5. Hand Finger Puppets

Downtown Carrollton in the DFW Metroplex has a really cool shop with old candies and fun trinkets. They carry old lunchboxes (complete with the plastic-tasting thermos) that make me squeal and Japanese Kit-Kat flavors. They also have these:

They’re the creepiest things I’ve ever seen! And when I brought my fingers together, making them all clap, it sent shivers up my spine.

Of course, I could have imagined I was getting a huge ovation. Hmmmm, maybe I’ll have to try them on again when I go back…

6. Gay Accent Mouth Spray

Yeah, so the Carrollton candy store also has this:

Part of me really wanted to try it. But then if I didn’t talk any different afterwards, I might get really paranoid.

7. Another SkyMall Oddity

I’ve done a couple SkyMall posts in the past, featuring weird products. You can view them here and here. I thought I was done with the subject until I heard they’re likely filing for bankruptcy.

Part of me feels really bad for them. Looking through the magazine is so much fun! And they really do have some cool stuff!

But then they also have this:

Yep, it’s a USB paper towel holder. This is so bad, it could seriously be on one of those joke gift boxes, where you wrap up your friend’s sweater in packaging that reads “Motorized Rolling Pin”.

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