Wagner Writer

I’ve been dealing with a cold/flu/thing the last few days. This wasn’t like your normal illness variety. I didn’t cough a lot or have any drainage or anything. I really just experienced one symptom:

Unbelievable, inescapable fatigue. Seriously, I just wanted to lie down for hours and do nothing.

So that’s what I did.

During that time, I had a lot of random musings and wanted to share some with you:

I was too tired for anything

And by anything, I literally mean anything and everything.

At one point, when I realized I couldn’t sleep, I thought I might read for awhile. Using every last bit of strength, I grabbed a book, opened it, and began skimming.

Before I finished the first page, my eyes got too tired to go back and forth across a piece of paper.

And so, I settled for staring at one word for awhile, debating its meaning over and over (“After the eighth time, the word ‘muggle’ has lost all meaning.”). Then my eyes got too tired to just look, so I dropped the book and laid motionless for awhile.

When I realized I still couldn’t sleep, I grabbed my phone. Loading up NetFlix, I started a Futurama episode, set the phone down, and lay back with my eyes shut.

Within a minute, my ears became too tired to listen (despite Bender’s having a sex change). Whispering, “I’m too tired to listen,” I flopped around for my phone to make it stop.

Then, I lay back and breathed, thinking, Wow. Breathing is tiring.

I hated water

Yep, I hated water. Not because it hurt my throat or anything. Here’s the deal:

My favorite drinks are milk (of any flavor), juices, and beer. Well, when you’re sick, milk is awful because it makes you all phlegmy, juices contain acid which sting the throat, and beer, while it numbs the pain (whoopee!), is probably bad for your immune system.

So that left me with water.

The first day, that was fine with me, and I relished every gulp.

After a while, though, I began to get bitter. I suffered the worst grass is greener complex on the planet. During every sip, I’d glare at my cup of water, thinking “You should be a delicious YooHoo.”

Stupid water.

I loved imaging myself swimming

I passed hours of time imagining myself swimming in a backyard pool. Most of the time, I floated back and forth across the water using a graceful backstroke. I never did that thing where I misjudged my distance and rammed my head into the side. No, I was elegant and perfect.

When I wasn’t backstroking, I was laying on a raft under the summer sun. And not just any raft. I drifted on a giant inflatable dragon. Epic.

I loved talking to myself

Nothing commiserates your misery like talking to yourself. I think it’s a “misery loves company” type of deal. Confused? Let me explain:

When no one else around you is sick, you’re all alone. That sucks. But when you talk to yourself, it’s like someone’s there sharing the pain.

Yep, I’m weird.

But here are some of the finer things I shared with myself:

“I feel icky. Oh so icky. I feel icky and sticky and blah.” (sung to the tune of “I feel pretty”).

“What if dead people are really alive, but are just too fatigued to do anything? If so, that means I’m barely alive. Fight, Cody, fight!”

“I’m too tired to reach the ceiling fan. Maybe I can turn it on with my mind.” *Grunt* *Grunt* “I’m too tired to use my mind.”

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