Wagner Writer

Over the past few months, I’ve been fortunate enough to have won a couple awards for my book. While they’re not the most prestigious awards on the planet, I’m soooo thrilled to have been recognized. They gave some validation to the insane amount of work I’ve put into the last three years. And I made sure to announce the crap out of them on Facebook and Twitter.

However, there are a handful of other, more obscure, awards my book has won. While they didn’t merit my marketing them like crazy, I felt I should celebrate them here:

1. The Kim Davis Gay Award of Supportive Gay Excellence in the Field of Gayness

Wow, she’s really come around. I’m so thrilled that *she’s* thrilled to be holding my book. #TheFeels

2. The “We Found Out We Had to Read Your Book Instead of Going to Disneyland” Award

I received this award because of a conversation that went like this:

PARENT: Sooooo, do you like Disneyland?
PARENT: Well then do I have a treat for you!
KID: (CRYING) I can’t believe it!
PARENT: (HANDS KID MY BOOK) This book mentions Disneyland twice! You’re going to love it!

3. The “Kids Who Braved Danger to Read Your Book” Award

So what kind of dangers did kids brave to read my book? Well, let’s just say that lots and lots of “Slick Shoes” were involved.

(NOTE: Because of the pic and my love of Goonies, I was gonna call this The “Kids Who Braved One-Eyed Willy to Read Your Book” Award… But then I realized that comes off waaaay wrong.)

(NOTE 2: As a kid, I actually tried to make “Slick Shoes” by sawing the soles off my shoes. My parents weren’t happy.)

4. The Zero Wing Are Prestigious Books Award

The award for nerds who is liking good grammars.

5. Books for Virgins Club Award Winner

This one doesn’t need a description. I’m not gonna lie, I cracked myself up.

6. The “Your Book Has a Scene Where People Pretend to be Straight When They’re Clearly Not” Westboro Award

Because I bet most Westboro Baptist members are self-hating homosexuals pretending to be straight.

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